By Leo Babauta

Once we are procrastinating, avoiding train or another behavior we need to create, or avoiding taking over a troublesome undertaking … the underlying trigger isn’t what we expect it’s.

We predict that each one we have to do is do the factor we’re avoiding, and cease procrastinating. Easy! However then once we fail, we surprise what’s incorrect with us.

The issue is that we aren’t actually addressing the true trigger. We’re addressing the symptom, and whereas there are strategies that may assist with the symptom, they hardly ever final for very lengthy.

So what causes our avoidance? An underlying emotional present. Some sort of inside state.

Let me stroll you thru it:

• You’re feeling a sure approach — due to the way in which your life goes, you is likely to be feeling overwhelmed, anxious, afraid, unhappy, lonely, emotionally exhausted, pissed off, battered by life.
• You resist that emotional state — you don’t need to really feel that approach, so that you resist letting your self really feel it. This resistance is often within the type of distraction, like on-line distraction, busywork, messaging, and so forth.
• Dealing with troublesome issues is more durable on this emotional state — turning towards a troublesome undertaking, or clearing litter, or coping with a thousand emails … these are all overwhelming in the perfect of instances. However being in a troublesome emotional state makes it even more durable. No surprise we’re avoiding!
• We attempt to overcome our avoidance with techniques — we attempt to coerce ourselves to do the factor we’re avoiding, with techniques. “No distractions, solely work at the moment!” And it typically works, however as a result of the underlying emotional state hasn’t been addressed, it by no means lasts lengthy. We return to avoidance.
• This makes us really feel dangerous, and worsens the underlying emotional state — we really feel dangerous about ourselves once we revert to avoidance. This solely provides to no matter emotional state was already there. Return to step one above, and repeat, with some added emotional stress!

Any of this sound acquainted? It’s what we’re all going by means of, on daily basis, often with out realizing it. Even when we’re conscious, we’re hardly ever truly dealing with it, as a result of we’re resisting the emotional state.

So the 2 issues to handle are:

1. We’re unaware of the emotional state inflicting avoidance.
2. We resist the emotion, whether or not we’re conscious of it or not.

Let’s speak about easy methods to deal with these points, so we will deal with the true reason for avoidance.

Bringing Consciousness to the Interior State

The bottom line is to note if you’re avoiding one thing. Is there a undertaking, process, dialog, or private behavior you’re pushing aside?

Alternatively, you may discover that you simply’re caught up in distraction — messaging, social media, electronic mail, busywork, Youtube, Netflix, information websites, boards, and so forth. Doing a little bit of that is at all times cool, however in case you are caught up doing it lots, then it is a signal you’re most likely avoiding.

When you discover your avoiding or caught up in distraction … see for those who can discover your underlying inside state. Are you feeling unhappy, grieving or lonely? Overwhelmed, afraid, anxious? Annoyed, indignant, resentful, burdened? Harm, unloved, unseen?

At this level, you don’t should do something concerning the emotional state. Simply discover. The extra you carry consciousness, the extra you’ll be capable of deal with it in some unspecified time in the future.

Not Resisting the Emotion

In case you’re avoiding or caught in distraction, it’s guess that you simply’re resisting the emotion. That implies that you don’t need to really feel it — you are feeling there’s one thing incorrect with feeling unhappy, indignant, anxious, and so forth. In your head, you may suppose there’s nothing incorrect with these emotions … however there’s part of you that doesn’t need to really feel them. Possibly you suppose you may’t deal with it, or it’s too exhausting.

There’s nothing incorrect with resisting the emotion. It’s human to withstand! However so long as we’re resisting it, it is going to have an influence over us, and avoidance turns into unavoidable.

In case you’re up for letting go of your resistance, the follow is simply to let your self really feel the emotion. Simply really feel unhappy, lonely, anxious, pissed off. Sit in stillness for a couple of minutes, and simply let your self really feel it. The principle instruction is to calm down — let your physique and thoughts calm down, because the emotion comes up.

Give up to the emotion. It’s hardly ever that troublesome, and can often solely final for a minute or three. If it’s too intense, you may cease — do one thing to take your thoughts off it.

Whether or not you’re capable of give up to it or not, give your self a couple of minutes of self-care after. Give your self compassion, love, a pleasant heat cup of tea. Get a hug from somebody, or discuss to a good friend or therapist. And acknowledge your self for no matter you have been capable of do.

How To not Keep away from

Placing this all collectively, right here’s easy methods to create a shift so that you aren’t avoiding as a lot … 

Discover if you’re avoiding or caught in distraction.

Discover the underlying inside emotional state.

Give up to the emotional state, letting your self really feel it. Loosen up.

Give your self some love and self-care.

When you’ve carried out that, you need to be a lot clearer. Now see in case your coronary heart is extra open to taking over what you’re avoiding.

Simply do 5 minutes of what you’re avoiding, to start out with, to offer your self an emotional victory. It’ll open your coronary heart much more.

Dance in victory!